The Businessman

               Do you believe in businessmen? I didn’t either until one night in late February, much like this night. It was also like last night, and it will most likely turn out to be quite similar to the night that comes, say, four days from now. It was a spooky night, not unlike the rest of the nights of February, when I met the businessman.

               I was on the way home on my daily walk (I go for a walk everyday) and I’d gotten a late start this time, so it was already dark. Suddenly… my phone rang. I reached for my pocket and pulled it out so I could answer. It was my flatmate, calling to ask if I was okay.

               “Hey, you’re out really late,” he said. “So, I was calling to make sure you didn’t fall down a manhole or something like that.”

               “I’m fine, Gary,” I replied. “I’m actually not that far from home.”

               “Okay,” said Gary. “See you soon, then.”

               He hung up. I was starting to get hungry from minutes of vigorous walking, so I stopped for a burrito break. As I reached into my other pocket for my tasty, tortilla-wrapped snack, however, my remarkable peripheral vision allowed me to notice something strange in the alley nearby. A dark figure was moving out of the dark into the dark. When I turned my head, I could see better, and I realized something terrible—now was not burrito time.

               The dark figure became clearer as it got closer. It was a he, and he was a horror unlike anything I’d ever seen outside of a nightmare. He wore a white tuxedo with black tie and shoes. His slacks and shirt were white, to match his horrendous jacket. His hands were as clean as his disturbingly well-kept clothes, and his cuffs were fitted uncomfortably perfectly. He wore a watch that was clearly quite old, yet eerily devoid of any signs of wear, like scratches or rust. Finally, my eyes made their way up to his face. He had the small, bald head of vulture—with a beak and everything.

               By now I was sweating profusely, and the fear from the sight of this stranger didn’t help that one bit. As he walked toward me, he reached into his disgustingly beautiful jacket and pulled out a handgun. I threw my burrito at him and ran.

               Moments later, I looked over my shoulder in time to see him start running after me. I was being chased by a real businessman, a creature I had previously thought only existed in myths and legend. He was raising his arm to shoot at me. It was clear to me that he was determined to take my life, no matter how far and how long he had to chase me. Worse, he was quickly closing the gap. I was close to home, but not close enough that I’d make it before he caught me. At least, I wouldn’t make it if I continued with a straight dash. I took a sharp turn and darted across the street.

               The businessman was still following me, but he’d had trouble crossing the street, as by the time he got there, it was no longer empty. This slowed him down considerably, but I still hadn’t lost him. I kept up my pace as well as I could. Normally I’m not in shape for this, but it’s amazing what adrenaline and the fear of death can do for stamina. I ran to the bridge across the pond that lead to the park. My plan was to lose him in there.

               As I ran through the trees, I saw the headlights of a car slow down on the dirt path to the side. A park ranger had spotted me. He got out a flashlight and started toward me, calling out for me to stop. I didn’t. I couldn’t stop now. The ranger was faster than I was, though, and he caught up to me.

               "Roxanne?"

               The ranger recognized me. I often walked through the park in the daytime. As he was asking if I was okay and pointing out that I looked like I’d been running for my life, he was interrupted by a loud shout that came from behind me. I spun around and, emerging from the darkness between the trees, I could see the businessman. I pushed the confused park ranger and ran past him. This wasn’t good. I’d lost a lot of valuable time. While I thought about my next move, I felt a sharp tug at the bottom of my coat. He had caught up to me! Seconds later, his hand reached around to grab at my throat. I ducked under, but I fell and accidentally tripped. Fortunately, the businessman tripped over me, and fell flat on his tiny face.

               I got up quickly and dove into the hedges. When the businessman recovered, he began looking around for me, but I had managed to hide from him for the time being. I noticed at this point that he was getting tired. Still, he looked for a long while, and couldn’t find me. Eventually, he left to search somewhere else. Relieved, I decided to head home. On the street of my apartment building, I got another call from Gary.

               “Where are you?” he asked. “You said you were almost home about an hour ago!”

               “I know. Something crazy happened. I’ll tell you about it when I get inside, though. I’m at the steps now—”

               At this point I shrieked. The businessman was on the steps to my apartment building. He stood and took a step toward me, gun in hand. He raised his shooting arm and I fell backward. I shut my eyes, giving in to my fate.

               Nothing happened.

               When I finally opened my eyes, he was holding the handgun with its handle pointed toward me. He wanted me to take it. I took his gun, and he pulled out another one, along with what looked like a remote. He pointed the remote at the sky and pushed a button. A disc shaped object flew from the remote. He aimed his gun at it and pulled the trigger. Instead of a bullet, a laser came out, hit the disc, and exploded into something I can only describe as similar to fireworks. Then, he looked at me and handed me the remote. He motioned for me to use it.

               I pointed the remote to the sky like he’d just done and pushed a different button. A different shape came out—more like an oval—and I shot it. The “explosion” was different this time. I tried two more buttons and he seemed satisfied. Just then, a beam of light shone from above the clouds and enveloped the businessman before carrying him up into the sky with it, back where it came from. My phone rang a third time.

               “Gary, I’m outside. I have something to show you.”